Tag Archives: wish

Nights Like This

Nights like this

you wish he would

show up at your door

out of the blue sorrow

you’ve been swimming in.

Nights like this

you imagine yourself letting go.

You imagine breaking

the tight grip of every restraint

propriety has on you.

Nights like this

you are alone enough

to imagine yourself

out of bounds.

You are alone enough

to imagine yourself bold.

Nights like this

are nights

when he never comes.

Filter

The filter is on
and love is squirming
twisting
trying to say
what it feels
like it needs to say
but I am the gatekeeper
who decides
how much
should be revealed
and I have one finger
on the trigger
one foot on the gas
another finger
over the barrel
and one heel
about to catch fire
from all this friction
all this dragging
all this restraint
that is supposed
to save me
from embarrassment
and the sudden
doe-eyed expression
on my face
that contains
every truth I can
never say.

 

 

 

DeMaris
1-2-17

Painting by Vilhelm Hammershoi, public domain

No Right

A man
and a woman
have no right
to fall
to feel
to fantasize
about each other
or about a life
outside
their bedroom
even if the bed
they go home to
is empty
or on the floor
or otherwise
unoccupied
by heat
as long as
this man
and this woman
have somehow
committed
the most
Intimate
part
of themselves
to an incompatible
other
in the form
of a promise
that no one
wants to
keep.

 

 

 

DeMaris
11-10-17

Mushroom Cloud

The days
that separate us
are long
and large
and almost empty
compared
to the few days
here and there
when we
are together
talking
listening
laughing—
and your warmth
always finds me
envelops me
enters me
causes
a nuclear explosion
a mushroom
cloud of feeling
spreading
from my core
to my edges
and when you leave
I float down
with the fallout
in pieces
wishing
you’d want
to stay
long enough
to see what we
could look like
whole.

 

 

 

 

 

DeMaris
9-6-17

 

Photo by Mark Mawson

Meaning

So tempting
to think rain
must mean
god is expressing
emotion,
sharing
in your epic
melancholy—
or the collision
between the semi
and the car
in front of you
means you were
favored
over the two children
who ended up
in the ER—
and the dead
towhee you almost
stepped on
must have been
placed on the trail
as a reminder
of how quick
and unfairly
all this might come
to an end—
and the
coneflower
must possess
all the magic
of the universe
because it leaves you
with the truth
after you pluck
its petals—
“he loves me”
which means
you can ignore
all the other signs
that say he doesn’t.

 

 

 

 

 

DeMaris
8-29-17

Still Life

The thing is—
he could
he can
he does
cut me open
sometimes
just by leaving
me alone
when the space
between us
begs to be
closed
reduced
punctuated
by a word
or a promise
of nearness
but there is
so much
silence
emptiness
doubt
filling me up
I don’t know
if there will be
room for him
when he—
if—
he decides
to come.

 

 

 

 

DeMaris
4-18-17

“Wanderer Above the Sea of Fog” by Caspar David Friedrich, 1818