Tag Archives: relationships

Worst Case Scenario

It’s unlike you to sleep so late
to be silent past 7 a.m.
to forget to wish me a good day
and remind me you love me
with those exact words
and a plump red heart emoji
before you haul your body
even farther away from me
to go to work
so my instinct
is to imagine the worst—
to imagine you unresponsive
in your bed
or face down in the garden
after you tripped over the fence
or maybe
you are bleeding heavily
after the chainsaw
came down through your thigh
instead of the dead ash tree
you’ve been meaning to clear away
or maybe
you choked in the raspberry patch
trying to beat the raccoons
to your harvest
or maybe
you are tired of me after all this time
and need a break from my love
which might have smothered you.

 

 

 

DeMaris
6-17-17

 

Voice

“You own everything that happened to you.  Tell your stories.  If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better.”  ~Anne Lamott

 

You’ve been told
warned is more like it
that you really shouldn’t
write this down
and add it to the internet
or to the sum of your woes
but you know what it’s like
how it feels to be silent
wide eyed as you hear
the sharp words enter you
destroy your self-esteem
those letters arranged
in sentences that suggest
you control your appetite
do something about the size
of your ass your thighs
are thicker than your skin
so you obey and swell up
on the inside as your body
shrinks into invisibility
hoping someday someone
will notice that your voice
is just a mirror reflecting
everything your heart absorbs
and maybe someone would even
try to test it with something
tender like love to see
how sweetly you can sing.

 

 

 

 

DeMaris
6-10-17

*As I explain in my bio, my poems are sometimes true, sometimes fiction, sometimes a mix. This poem came to me last night after I ate not one, but two brownies (gasp!) and was reminded of past relationships (yes, plural) with individuals who were more concerned with my appearance than my happiness.

Yesterday Morning

Floating downstream
in the middle of the river
I had you alone
to myself
and it felt like
we belonged there
as much as the turtles
and the great blue herons
startled into flight
by our strange wings
dipping into the water—
and it felt like calm
had finally arrived
to replace the doubt
that kept trying
to pull me under—
and for the first time
it seemed as though you
(who have never been lost)
might not be able
to find your way home
if we were parted
by the currents
and set adrift
in opposite directions.

 

 

 

 

 

 

DeMaris
6-5-17

 

Beds

Neat and tidy beds
are for beginners
who haven’t spent
enough time sitting
by the open window
with a pillow
crushed between
their chest and knees
breathing in
the lilac gone wild
or the sweet
magnolia ashei
demanding
to be inhaled.
Neat and tidy beds
are for those
who need control
over creativity—
who believe
that letting the soft
and delicate petals
of the columbine
mingle
with the wood mint
might lead to one
taking advantage
of the other.
Neat and tidy beds
have so much
emptiness
pruned into them—
as though
it made no sense
to believe
that the milkweed
and the marigold
could compliment
each other
if they were allowed
the freedom
to touch and bloom
below the sheets
of sunlight
ruffled with
occasional rain.

 

 

 

DeMaris
5-31-17

“Flower Beds in Holland” Vincent van Gogh, 1883

All of You

I wanted
all of you
instead of
just
the part of you
that loved me.
I wanted
the other bits too—
the large
and burdened
sections of you
that felt
unhinged
and reckless
for breaking up
the calm
you thought
would always
be yours.
I wanted you
to want me
to see
your shadow side—
I wanted you
to let me
hold your
sorrow
but I couldn’t
get near enough
to touch it
or to see
the expression
on your face
soften
if you would’ve
let me try
to carry
some of it
away.

 

 

 

DeMaris
5-29-17

Ansel Adams, “Clearing Storm” 1945