Tag Archives: relationships

Love Story, Unfinished

I can’t decide
if I hate you
enough
to say I don’t love you
anymore
so I won’t say anything
at all
I’ll just breathe
in and out
and put one foot
tentatively
in front of the other
until I get to May
or maybe
I’ll give you
until June
before I declare
into the mirror
that I’ll give you
July
if you need it
but not one day more
and if the face I see
in August
tries to redefine love
as patient
and kind—
as living
in the moment—
I will break
that mirror
into a thousand
reasons
to cut you
out of my ending.

 

 

 

DeMaris
2-14-19

“L’Absinthe” by Edgar Degas, 1875-76

 

Stones

This is the winter of my life—
cold, vacant, sad.
All those words that describe
emptiness
sitting alongside
something otherwise beautiful,
otherwise full of obligations
I don’t mind.
But I keep finding stones
that asked to be picked up
and carried
in the pocket of my heart
and it’s hard to say no
to their beauty, their form,
to the way they feel inside my hand—
but they are accumulating
like snow drifting into my door
making it impossible
to leave, to exchange them
for something lighter, like love.

 

 

 

 

 

DeMaris
2-2-19

Dream

Awake
you rack your brain
for answers
why how why how
were you mistaken
is it possible
you were mistaken
he was too good to be true
after all
which can only mean
he wasn’t
that he wasn’t true
after all
because if he was
if he was really true
he’d be looking for you now
in the haystack of this city
with a population
of not very many needles
and you aren’t that hard
to find
because he knows
where you live
unless he doesn’t
unless he is
unless he was
just a dream after all
and you keep thinking
thinking
thinking
about him
about the dream he was
and about the dream
you had last night
where you were next to him
on the train
and you were happy
and you arrived
in some future
with blue streamers
and carved hearts
on every wall
red
they were almost beating

 

 

 

DeMaris
1-12-19

“Chambered Nautilus” by Andrew Wyeth, 1956

 

Separation Failure

Elsewhere—
fighting
protests
protests against protests
storms
storms
in the form of weather
employment
emotion
health
conflict
conflict everywhere
lovers raging
screaming
dissolving
disappointing
marriages ending
walls going up
separating
separating
need from plenty
even the birds
compete
over the abundant seed
but here—
you and I
are floating passed
the past
your gentle hands
massage away
my worry
before we sleep
before we sleep
we lie awake
for a long time
holding on to each other
letting go
letting go
of everything
we have already
forgiven

 

 

 

 

DeMaris
1-21-2019

“Couple Duos Chez” by John Singer Sargent, year unknown

White T-Shirt

my white t-shirt
was your white t-shirt
and I just pulled it
out of the drawer
no
it wasn’t buried
it was on top
freshly washed
because my white t-shirt
that used to be
your white t-shirt
has been through a lot
which makes it soft
and comfortable
and treasured
and it remembers
the parking lot
where it became mine
removed
transferred
gifted to me
because it was something
worn close to your body
the way I couldn’t
be worn by you
and you knew
I needed something
to tide me over
something more
than a promise
no
you knew that t-shirt
was as close
as we would ever get

 

 

 

 

DeMaris
1-17-19

“Office at Night” by Edward Hopper, 1940

 

 

 

 

Love Song

On the radio
there is a voice
full of loneliness
singing
“what am I gonna do
without you?”
and between last year
and this brand new one
I’ve been learning
that loneliness
is wet
watery
able to seep into cracks
I didn’t know I had—
cracks made by love
opening me
leaving me
revealing my wish
to be known
wanted
held so tight
it hurt to let go—
and now that I’ve been
untangled
untethered
unbound
free
for so long
I think I have a sad
and honest answer
to the crooner’s question:
breathe, harden,
chorus of sleep,
repeat.

 

 

 

 

 

DeMaris
1-15-19

“Intermission” by Edward Hopper, 1963

 

Our Mothers

Everything they told us was wrong.
Smile.
Hold your stomach in.
Nod your head.
Agree.
Respect yourself, they said —
by saying no.
By giving boys nothing but a smile
until they offered us
a finite circle made of gold.
They only want one thing, they told us.
And we believed
that the one thing they wanted
was somehow different
than the one thing we wanted too.
And because trust is involuntary
according to evolution,
we believed our mothers—
believed we were wrong
for wanting to sample
as many fruits as we could
before we agreed that only one
could possibly taste better
than all the rest—
for what was left
of our desirous and insatiable lives.

DeMaris
1-12-19

“Reine Lefebre and Margot before a Window” by Mary Cassat, 1902