Tag Archives: despair

In Flames

After I forgave you
again
for leaving me alone
for making me wait
for making promises
that weren’t quite promises
I tried to step outside
the room of my heart
and look back into my life
through the eyes of a stranger
who might be passing by—
and if they saw in my window
a tiny glow
they might assume the source
was a Rockwellian scene
of contentment—
a woman waiting by the fire
for her love—
but if their curiosity
led them to step closer,
to peek inside the door—
they would see me
holding a torch
above a flammable pile
of our history—
deciding whether or not
to set the whole thing
on fire.

 

 

 

 

 

DeMaris
12-3-18

“By the Hearth” by Platt Powell Ryder, 1881 (American painter, 1821-1896)

 

 

Heart Failure

By accident
or maybe on purpose
you cross the yellow line
you accelerate
toward the small dark circle
coming toward you
and you have exactly
7 seconds to decide
how this is going to end
6        5        4
you return to your lane
your flatlined heart
beating again
as the lives
you decided you’d spare
speed past.

 

 

 

 

DeMaris
6-14-18

Under

Nowhere
to go
to be alone
and hidden
from the
scrutinizing
view
of loved ones
except the
bathroom—
the bathtub
if you can
get away
with it—
and you have
ten minutes
to get rid
of those tears
that will be
suppressed
not another
minute
and when you
turn off
the water
there will still
be grief
trying
to push
you under
which
you consider
for a moment
to be
somewhere
you should go.

 

 

 

 

DeMaris
2-9-17

Scar Tissue

I must
have known
all along
we would
come to this—
that you’d
retreat
into solitude
which is where
I found you
standing
alone
on all those
mountaintops
where people go
to find
themselves—
I should have
recognized
your freedom
as your joy—
that you were
already
complete
in your
solitary state
and didn’t need
my love
to make you
whole.

 

 

 

DeMaris
1-30-17