Tag Archives: apology

Apology

I never meant
for you to love me
the way I loved you—
which was secretly
and entirely
without justification.
I never meant
for you to follow me
into the briars of language
where meaning and intent
so easily tangle.
I never meant
for you to find me
in my shadow land
and ask if all my poems
were for you.
I never meant
to break your heart
when I told you
never enough
will be the way
I’ll always love you.

 

DeMaris
12-5-16

Control

You like to think you have it
most of the time—
that it’s one of your possessions,
saved for and bought
with experience and time.
Does it really matter
(you wonder to yourself)
if you leave it at home when
you know you’ll be seeing her again?
And all you want
is for her to know everything
she’s meant to you
all these years – even now—
and in this public café
you’ll get the chance
to apologize for the ending scene
you caused the last time you spoke—
when control was something
you only knew how to lose.

 

DeMaris Gaunt
3-28-15

 

Almost in Amsterdam

From our small round table

I watched you maneuver to the bar

through a dozen shiny obstacles,

breaking up that straight line

I could tell you were used to walking.

 

Careless dancers writhed

and glistened under a sparkling globe

the size of another world

as the smokers, lifting their chins,

exhaled metallic puffs.

 

Smooth as mannequins,

a few enameled blondes sat on the tall stools

examining your suit as you waited for our drinks,

their sharp stiletto heels

pulsing toward your knees.

 

The music was bass heavy, loud

and more provocative than what

they played back home in that other country

where you came from,

where I knew you’d soon return.

 

You wanted to leave

before we finished our beers

but I liked the way it made you nervous,

this generation to which you didn’t belong;

all the cool indifferent faces.

 

I knew I wouldn’t need

to be drunk to return with you to your hotel

and I wanted you to offer,

so I began to dance beside you

in the dark blue light.

 

You shook your head and smiled

when I tugged on your hand and I could see

you struggling to speak and I wondered then

if you had a lover somewhere

waiting for your call.

 

By the time the song was over

I was in your arms, my cheek pressed

like a prisoner against those bars across your heart,

and in my ear was your apologetic whisper

that there was something I should know.

 

 

 

DeMaris Gaunt

1-8-14