Shadow Love

“I was never insane except upon occasions
when my heart was touched.”  ~Edgar Allan Poe

 

Shadow Love (Version One)

For once
I just want to cry
without talking myself out of it—
without reminding myself
that no one owes me anything.
I want to lose my composure
for once without feeling pathetic—
and I want to feel weak for once
without feeling guilty.
I just want to cry for a minute,
alone, on the other side
of that goddamn door
I can’t seem to push all the way open—
that same door
I cannot bring myself to close.

 

Shadow Love (Version Two)

I just want
to cry over him
without talking myself out of it—
without reminding myself
that he owes me nothing.
I want to lose my composure
without feeling pathetic—
and I want to feel weak for once
without feeling guilty.
I just want to cry for a minute,
alone, on the other side
of his goddamn door—
but I can’t seem to push it
all the way open—
though he doesn’t seem interested
in keeping it closed.

 

 

 

DeMaris
1-10-17

Illustration by Wilfried Satty, 1976

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