The thing about
ending your own life—
or thinking about
what it would look like, sound like,
feel like—
is that you’ve consumed already
every crumb of sympathy
and empathy
and tolerance
from your loved ones,
and now their reserves
are bone dry—
and you’re to blame—
and what it boils down to
is that you want too much
so you end up
sitting alone in a dark room
in front of the computer screen
that offers you a watery blue glow
and a connection to absolutely
but no one in particular
would be alarmed
or interested in you
even if you sent out messages
that whispered
help me
I’m drowning…
And so the thing is—
you can’t do it.
You can’t become that brand
of public drama you despise.
But you want to.
You consider it.
You type it out.  Delete it.
You just want someone to notice
how deep you are, how only the tips
of your fingers are above the surface—
and every time
you scream for help
you take on a little more water.


One thought on “Drowning”

  1. It’s too sad and deeply moving to click “like.” I need one of those other emotions buttons Facebook is talking about, although I doubt they could come up with a suitable emoticon. 😦

    Liked by 1 person

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