Graph Paper

If you want
to understand
why silence trumped
my love for him
you need to imagine the days
as paper.
Graph paper.
Not a single sheet,
but the entire pad.

100 pages of 1,496 squares.

That’s one hundred days
and one thousand
four hundred and ninety six
thoughts on every page
each page 24 hours.

And now,
imagine on each page
just one square colored red.
This is a weakness.
His weakness.
His daily weakness.
The kind of weakness
most of us have for beauty
and sugar and sex.

The chance
that he would
love me back
is as small as the probability
that, blindfolded,
I could open the pad
to any page
and draw a small circle
around his red square.

The odds are in his favor.
Silence is in mine.

DeMaris Gaunt
3-9-15

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